Issue #36: The Roster Building Game
My attempts to build the best roster possible under some of the dumbest, silliest, and most restrictive criteria.
Hello my name is Colin. Welcome to the 36th issue of The Wood Report, an eclectic smorgasbord of sports “news” and humor.
This Week’s Main Story
In this week’s newsletter, we are going to play the Roster Building Game. What’s the Roster Building Game you ask? It’s when I try to create the best possible starting lineup based on entirely unnecessary and inconvenient restrictions. I make up a bunch of rules to put on myself and see what I am left with. It’s a fun thought experiment and a bit of a challenge to see if I made the right choices.
This week, we are going to be building an NFL team. That will be every starting position on both sides of the ball. 11 offensive players, 11 defensive players, a kicker, and a punter. 24 total players. They have to be active players; this is not an all-time team. The twist: no two players can be born in the same state. If I want to take Patrick Mahomes from Texas, I cannot use Justin Tucker who is also from Texas. This goes for both sides of the ball. Sadly, this exercise excludes any foreign born players (apologies to Younghoe Koo).
When I first came up with this criteria, I thought it might be too easy. There’s 50 states, I don’t even need to use half of them to fill out my team! But the deeper I got, the harder the choices became. So much NFL talent is concentrated in just a few states. Florida, California, and Texas, the top 3 states in terms of hometowns of players, each have 275+ players in the NFL. Twelve states have fewer than 10 players, and 3 have none at all (Alaska, Rhode Island, Vermont). If I wanted to take Aaron Rodgers or Tom Brady out of California, I am missing out on a slew of other elite players like Davante Adams, or Tyron Smith, or Fred Warner. The decisions of what to prioritize had me swapping out my list every couple of minutes until I felt I had squeezed every drop of value from a state.
With all of that said, let’s take a look at what I came up with. This is going to be broken into two parts, and this week we’ll only be focusing on the offense. The same rules carry over and still apply to the defense though. The positions we need to fill: QB, RB, WR, WR, TE, LT, LG, C, RG, RT, and Flex. The flex position will be any skill position player I think adds the most to my team, whether that’s another pass catcher, a running back, or maybe even Taysom Hill. We will also be choosing a kicker this week.
Without any further wait, here is my Different State Offense.
Quarterback: Patrick Mahomes - Tyler, Texas
We start out by checking football-obsessed Texas off our list. Picking from an area that is so rich in talent, I knew I had to take a player that truly tilted the field at an all-time level to justify all the other players I passed on. A guy that is capable of tossing 50 touchdowns a season fits that description. Even in a down year, he was carrying a brutal Chiefs defense and has brought them surging back in the AFC playoff picture. He is the all-time leader in passer rating and passing yards per game. It was an obvious pick to helm my squad. Notable guys I didn’t pick include Justin Tucker, Myles Garrett, Xavien Howard, and Mike Evans.
Running Back: Derrick Henry - Yulee, Florida
Florida has the most active players in the NFL at 348, making the decision to use it on my running back, a position whose value is constantly questioned by analytics, an interesting one. There are several All-Pro defenders from the state that would make my team seem like the ‘85 Bears. But then I thought about pairing the most dynamic passer in the game with a 250 lb wrecking ball that was impossible to tackle and I just couldn’t stop laughing. With these two in the backfield, the opposing defense would just be picking how they wished to die. Flood the passing lanes and let Henry smash through smaller defenders, or go heavy up front and let Mahomes work against man coverage. Either way, it’s gonna be a long day. I also just want to watch Henry stiff arm players across the field as much as possible.
Wide Receiver: DeAndre Hopkins - Central, South Carolina
We are roadtripping up the coast to the Carolinas to pick up a couple of pass catchers for Mahomes. First stop is South Carolina for DeAndre Hopkins, a stud on contested catchs. Hopkins is consistently towards the top of the receiving yards leaderboards, with 5 seasons of over 1,200 yards to his name. That includes his 2015 season with the Texans, when he was catching balls from the carousal of Brian Hoyer, Ryan Mallet, T.J. Yates, and Brandon Weeden. If he can put up 1500 yards and 11 touchdowns with that murder’s row, I would love to see what he does with Mahomes. It wasn’t easy to give up on a chance at Stephon Gilmore or Darius Leonard, but this is huge piece for my team.
Wide Receiver: Keenan Allen - Greensboro, North Carolina
The second part of my Carolina duo is Keenan Allen from the northern state. Allen is precise. His route running is unmatched and he catches everything. He is 5th on the leaderboard of receptions by active players, just behind 3 guys who have been in the league significantly longer and also DeAndre Hopkins. Allen can work on the outside or in the slot, giving my team a deadly moveable chess piece to pressure the defense. He is easily the best active player from NC, so it was no brainer here. Another fun fact about my Carolina duo, both were taken in the 2013 Draft.
Tight End: Travis Kelce - Westlake, Ohio
What better way to make my franchise QB feel comfortable than to give him his favorite target? Kelce is undeniably the best TE in the NFL, a matchup nightmare for any defender to have to cover one-on-one. Plus, he can block with the best of them. The 3 time All-Pro tight end might seem like an obvious choice, but it actually came down to Travis or his brother Jason Kelce, who is also a 3 time All-Pro at the center position. Choosing between elite brothers became a recurring theme of my roster.
Flex: Stefon Diggs - Gaithersburg, Maryland
The flex position helped give me a little bit of wiggle room when assembling this team, and I had a couple different players in this spot over the course of the exercise. But it came down to, if I can give Derrick Henry 300 touches a year, I don’t need another running back taking touches away from him. Instead, let me take the best deep ball tracker in Stefon Diggs. In his first season with the big arm of Josh Allen in Buffalo, Diggs led the league in receptions and yards because of his ability to adjust to throws while flying at top speed down the field. He will stretch the field for my offense, giving more room for everyone to work. The complimentary skills of my WR group allow the team to take advantage of any defense.
Left Tackle: David Bakhtiari - San Mateo, California
We finally take a player out of California, and it’s not who you might have expected. Forgoing the top QBs and defenders, and instead using the state to protect my quarterback’s blindside. Bakhtiari anchors my line, ready to go toe-to-toe with any rusher in the league. He’s been an All-Pro two of the last three seasons and is the best LT at this moment. You could make an argument for taking Tyron Smith from CA instead, but I favor Bakhtiari here. He also marks the 4th member of the 2013 Draft class to make my roster.
Left Guard: Quenton Nelson - Holmdel, New Jersey
This has to be the most undebatable pick on my entire roster. Nelson has been in the NFL for 3 years and has made 3 All-Pro teams. He’s a guard that was so good, he was the first offensive lineman taken in the 2018 draft, 6th overall. You don’t normally find guards that can be the star of your O-line, but Nelson is special. He’s a star at one of the least prominent positions on a team. As soon as I saw his name, I wrote it down and moved on. How many guards get highlight videos that are super dope?
Center: Frank Ragnow - Victoria, Minnesota
Another member of the 2018 Draft populates the middle of my line. Ragnow started his career at left guard as a rookie, but slid over to center and has thrived since. In 2019, he gave up just 2 sacks and he followed that up by going the entire 2020 season without allowing a sack. He has continued to shine this year, with no sacks of Jared Goff so far. He is a top 5 center in the game and gives me a lot of push on the interior, opening plenty of lanes for Henry.
Right Guard: Zach Martin - Indianapolis, Indiana
Another easy selection for my line. Martin is the 2nd best guard according to PFF, just behind the guy on the opposite side, Quenton Nelson. He had a run-blocking grade of 92.2 from PFF in 2020 and he continues to create space for the backs in Dallas this season. With these three on the inside, it is going to be impossible to penetrate into the backfield.
Right Tackle: Jack Conklin - Plainwell, Michigan
We finish out the O-line with a 3rd Midwest boy. Jack Conklin is the right tackle for a devastating run game in Cleveland, and he joins another all-star crew here. He finished last year with a top-10 PFF grade for the first time in his career. Overall, my O-line is probably slightly slewed towards run blocking, but they can dominate in both aspects of the game. And if they are allowing Derrick Henry to get to the second level of the defense consistently, it’s just going to open up the field as safeties begin to creep down and allow Mahomes to throw bombs deep.
Kicker: Greg Zuerlein - Lincoln, Nebraska
The last member of the roster this week is our kicker, who hails from the least populous NFL state so far. Nebraska has just 16 active players in the league. I am still a little sad to have passed up on taking Justin Tucker, but I think this is a solid consolation. While Greg the Leg isn’t the best kicker in the league overall, he is phenomenal when it comes to long field goals. His career long is a 61 yarder he hit in 2015. He makes 50+ yard field goals more often than he misses them, hitting at a 55% clip. If my team ever gets into trouble, I will have no problem sending him out for a long try.
That’s all for this week. The defense will be coming in a future issue. Trust me, it is just as terrifying to look at.
Let me know what you agree or disagree with in the comments and who you would choose instead.
Gold Medal – Trevor Zegras
Last week I had a whole section written up about Trevor Zegras, the electric rookie center of the Anaheim Ducks. He’s been such an exciting player over the first part of the season that I knew I had to talk about him and introduce my readers to a future household name. But then the newsletter started to run super long and I made the tough choice to cut his section, assuming he would do something later in the season to force an inclusion. Well, we didn’t have to wait long at all. Ladies and gentleman, please watch this ridiculous setup by your new favorite player.
Just an outrageous goal in all respects, including Milano’s ability to bat the puck out of the air without drawing a high stick. But the audacity of Zegras to even think of this move and then to attempt it in a real game situation in unmatched. He’s been one of the best rookies this season in a very deep class of talented youngsters, and he’s almost certainly been the most sensational to watch. He’s helped revitalize a Ducks team that was last in the league in scoring last season (a stupidly brutal offense to watch). His energy and playmaking is part of their jump up the way up to 5th in scoring in 2021. He leads all rookies in assists, and this will be the one they showcase in his Rookie of the Year highlight video.
Is This How You Play?
Skating isn’t for everyone.
Pat Bev getting a tech while in street clothes is incredibly on brand.
Seattle’s offensive has been having some, uh, issues this season.
Can you guys just like chill out for a second?
Say it with me. Goaltenders, please tend the goal.
Is Kevin Durant okay?
News by the Numbers
1 - The national ranking of Purdue’s men’s basketball team entering Thursday, the first time in school history they have been ranked #1. And in their first game as the top team in the nation, they lost to 4-4 Rutgers. Purdue forward Trevion Williams gave them the lead with 3 seconds remaining, only for Ron Harper Jr. to rip out their hearts with a miracle half-court shot at the buzzer.
3 - Passes attempted by Patriots QB Mac Jones on Monday Night Football. The weather in Buffalo that night made for some UGLY football, with sustained wind of 25-35 mph and gusts approaching 55 mph. It was nearly impossible to predict where the football would land if put into the air on its own, as shown by this kicker’s warmup. So Bill Belichick, the strategy god, devised a gameplan that turned his productive rookie QB into a hand-off automaton. The Pats ran the ball 46 times, while Jones went 2-for-3 for 19 total yards. It was just the 3 time in the last 70 years a team attempted 3 or fewer passes in an NFL game. This is what a winning QB passing chart looks like in the year 2021.
500 - Career wins for Marc-Andre Fleury. He won his 500th game (and 8th of the season) on Thursday by shutting out the Canadiens in Montreal. It was also the 69th shutout of his career. He became just the 3rd goalie in NHL history to reach 500 career wins, along with Patrick Roy and Martin Brodeur. Fleury is such an iconic Canadian player that the opposing crowd was chanting his name in the closing seconds of the game, not caring that their own team had just been thoroughly defeated.
2964 - Number of career 3-pointers made by Steph Curry, just 9 behind the all-time mark set by Ray Allen. We all know he’s going to break it in the next game or 2, but when he does stuff like this, it should count for like an extra 3.
$1.3 Million - Money owed by the Arizona Coyotes to Arizona and the City of Glendale in unpaid state and city taxes. An article from The Athletic stated that the Arizona Department of Revenue filed a tax lien notice against the company that owns the team after lengthy disputes over money owed. The team had until December 20th to settle their bills or be denied access to Gila River Arena and its facilities. The team has since paid, but it brings to light how dire the situation is for the franchise existing in Arizona. Gary Bettman has insisted for years that the Coyotes are fine, but it really seems like a move is coming sooner rather than later.
Homer Bias Restricted Area
On Wednesday, Mackenzie Blackwood secured his 8th career shutout by stonewalling the Flyers for 60 minutes. It brought him into a tie for 3rd place on the list of shutouts by Devils goalies. To be clear, it is not close at all. The list is a hilarious illustration of the Devils franchise.
3. Mackenzie Blackwood/Johan Hedberg - 8
2. Cory Schneider - 17
1. Martin Brodeur - 124
Brandon Boston Jr. making a push to be my new favorite Clippers player.
End Of Restricted Area
Thanks for reading this week, I hope you enjoyed my fake roster building. I would love to hear what fun combinations you can come up with!
Don’t forget to like and subscribe if you liked the content.
Keep Sports Fun.
Colin
Twitter - @ColinRingwood12
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